Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Lonely Week

Never before in my Life felt so lonely, helpless and heartache for the past few days. Well, My wife left me for a vacation to China, My son also left me for a camp. Here I am, alone and wonder what to do, who to talk, what to eat????? HUMAN BEING is very very funny, never ever appreciated what they have on hand, only felt the loses when it is away.

When I was away for works, busy schedule do help me to ignore my love to family, but when I sat at home and not much work to do, can't help but thinking of them and it really really make me felt lousy and lonely. Spark my mind on Paul Anka's song " I don't Like to sleep Alone".

Kiaos is getting tough to handle now. Need to put more pressure on him, he must plan a head and work on it, or it will end up like me when i was at his age, totally ignore myself responsibilities, only care for friends. He must learn to put himself as priority. The attitude toward the responsibilities as young man must be set correctly.

Run out of idea to express, hope to get better in next Post

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I will Be Back

Not a terminator scene but myself returning to work. Felt much much better now. Start getting the mood to eat (That is bad), but when thought of bowel motion at later stage, the burning sensation during the process really really shut down your appetizer.

Re-visit of Dr tomorrow, hope everything going fine and I could back to work by then. About 10 days, nothing to do, but do realized on life uncertainly; Body Weight from 108Kg to 104Kg, and if i continue the eating habit which i practice during recovering period for another 2 weeks, and perhaps with some exercise, but able to reduce to below 100Kg. Then My dream of climbing Mount KK seem be more realistic.

A flood hit Sitiawan Last Night, never before in history. Guess we are seeing ourself by our own eyes on global weather changes, what can we do??? No idea.

Really feel the love and care of My Wife during the recovering process. I am not sure if my wife do aware of my blog existence, but just wanted to tell her in the Blog that, I love You and Thanks for the life sharing with me for the past 16 years, and hopefully many many years to come

Friday, October 17, 2008

Piles Surgery - Aftermath

It only just begining! First effect, I can't urine. Dr said some will have it after Anesthesia. Can't describe but felt like blowing up. No choice, put on the supporting pipe and urine blow like waterfall. However, with the pipe inside your body, and mind of worrying unable to urine after taking out the next day, I had a sleepless night.

14th Oct morning, after took out the pipe, the challenged began. You need to ensure that the gate that controlling urine do open when need arise. I did it on 1200pm and felt release, even still have pain in the ass.

15th Oct, discharged from Specialist Centre and back to home sweet home. The rest is recovering period which need time.

What I learnt?? DO LOVE YOUR BODY, AND DON'T LET THE BODY GET DISAPPOINTED ON YOU. TAKE LIFE EASY BUT DEAL WITH PROBLEM SERIOUSLY BEFORE IT GET OUT OF CONTROL.

What I Lost? Lost 3kg for 3 days

What I Gain ? An experience in a life time which I do not wish to repeat.

CONCLUSION? BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF LIFE




Thursday, October 16, 2008

Surgery Of Piles (Haemorrhoidectomy)-Day 2

Operation Day. First time ever, hope to be the last as well. Wonder why they name the Opearion Room as OPERATION THEATER. But then after the operation, I guess i realized it.

I was transfer to other bed and directed by nursing staff to the OT. The OT section staff then signing some documents and receiving me as good(audience? You just can't imagine, I was pulled into the waiting room by 0900, and I had to lay down and waited for 2 hours before reaching my turn. On and off, nurses, Dr will came and explain to me and confirm of my signature as to avoid of operate wrong person due to wrong info.

Finally, I saw Dr Mano reached to me and tell me, 'don't worry, you will be relief after the operation'. I told him, "Finally I had a better understanding when people said it is pain in the ass", Dr laugh at me and walked to rest room awaiting for his turn. Being awake, looking at the patient was sending in for operation and sent out after operation, I told myself I am not alone anyway.

Dr operated me around 1100am and complete at 1115am. As i was performed under the appropriate anesthesia, unconsciousness at my lower part of the body, I still can talk to Dr Mano during the symphony. and guess what, The Dr was singing the Hindustan which i used to hear from my wife, with some chit chat with me and staffs assisting the orchestra.

Surgery Of Piles (Haemorrhoidectomy)-Day 1

Well, I had a better understanding of the long saying "PAIN IN THE ASS" finally.

Had Piles problem quit a long time and not even border to take care of the problem as it cause only few pain when diet is not right. However, last 12th Oct, after went for swimming with Kiaos in Lumut Yacht Club, I had the worst night ever when the Piles prolapsed. I can't sleep, sit, squad, almost every position I try, the PAIN which send to my brain was sharp till I even had muscle cramp. I took the Ais apply to it, not helping; Took Panadol, Same PAIN; And then the word PAIN IN THE ASS across my mind, and I can assure you I will remember this forever and ever.

The next day, went to visit Dr. Kana and under his advise, drove to Ipoh Specialist and visited Dr Mano as recommended. However, the operation thearter was fully booked and I need to stay back and ready for Piles Surgery the next day. Well, under the supervision of the nurses help of medication, the Pain on Monday Night was acceptable.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Time To Move On

Out of sudden thinking of conquer Mount Kinabalu Again. Went for Ungku Busu Hike and find myself only able to last until the rock. What a shame. Really need to bring back my stamina, and hoping by next year able to have last change to conquer Mount KK.

Going for Sawarak again. Hope could finish it early, wonder why each time when away from home, really missed my wife. But when we are together, nothing much to talk about. WELL, This is what we CALLED LOVE, ha ha.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

PERSONALITY

Always remember, whatsoever I say to you, you can take it in two ways. You can simply take it on my authority, 'Because I say so, it must be true' -- then you will suffer, then you will not grow. Whatsoever I say, listen to it, try to understand it, implement it in your life, see how it works, and then come to your own conclusions. They may be the same, they may not be. They can never be exactly the same because you have a different personality, a unique being. Whatsoever I am saying is my own. It is bound to be in deep ways rooted in me. You may come to similar conclusions, but they cannot be exactly the same. So my conclusions should not be made your conclusions. You should try to understand me, you should try to learn, but you should not collect knowledge from me, you should not collect conclusions from me. Then your mind-body will grow.

My message is not a doctrine, not a philosophy. My message is a certain alchemy, a science of transformation."
Pick From Osho Master, Very Very true and sincere.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Back to Blog

After 8 months since last blog, back here again to write down some thoughts. After went back from Bukit Mertajam yesterday, everything seems wrong to me. Not happy for myself, my wife, my son and everybody. It had been long time I don't have such feeling, been training myself to be positive on whatever circumstances.

Reading some books of Osho, very interesting personality. Some how, I felt that my life in the past had been wasted as i lived for others by wearing the mask when communicate with peoples. I never live for myself, even ONE TIME. Need to re engineering my mind and start to ask myself what do I want in MY LIFE???????

Zhao Xun is becoming hard to manage now. Started to follow what friends wanted to do, try to get recognized by friends. Always tell him my duty is not to tell him what to do, but rather help him to find out what he wanted to do, but I guess he become more confuse as he still don't know what he wanted to do.